Dear AbbyHow do you tell someone you care for that they are being taken advantage of?

[OnPoint]

If it's a guy who you're worried may get taken advantage of by a gal, remind him of the most powerful substance and force in the entire universe: *****. It is us fellas' kryptonite. And if he doesn't keep that in forefront of his mind he'll be toast (heck if all the ladies in the world united in a devious plot to fully leverage this ptang kryptonite, all of us fellas would be toast).

If it's a lady you're worried about, simply advise her to take it very slooooow, with enormous patience. If the guy is genuine and gentleman, that will manifest over time. If he's an asshole/scammer, he won't be able to conceal his assholeness/scamminess forever, and/or will lose patience and move on to an easier target.

[Bruze]

Originally Posted by OnPoint

If it's a guy who you're worried may get taken advantage of by a gal, remind him of the most powerful substance and force in the entire universe: *****. It is us fellas' kryptonite. And if he doesn't keep that in forefront of his mind he'll be toast (heck if all the ladies in the world united in a devious plot to fully leverage this ptang kryptonite, all of us fellas would be toast).

If it's a lady you're worried about, simply advise her to take it very slooooow, with enormous patience. If the guy is genuine and gentleman, that will manifest over time. If he's an asshole/scammer, he won't be able to conceal his assholeness/scamminess forever, and/or will lose patience and move on to an easier target.

I've been saying for years now that if women could really ever know how we view a prospective mate (they cannot and never will) and what us guys discuss amongst ourselves, the Homo sapiens species would have gone extinct after the first generation, because no woman would ever let any man near her after that.

And that prospective mate may well end up being the guy's "wife for life" -- til death do they part. But before any of that, she must first pass "the vision lust test."

[GTOguy]

Men want beauty. A man is willing to date down if she's hot. A woman won't do that generally. She will date across or up. Men want beauty. Women want security and wealth, in general. A woman might have an affair with the gardener or valet, but not a relationship. A man will marry a babe who works at Taco Bell.

[Tikiman]

Originally Posted by Bruze

I've been saying for years now that if women could really ever know how we view a prospective mate (they cannot and never will) and what us guys discuss amongst ourselves, the Homo sapiens species would have gone extinct after the first generation, because no woman would ever let any man near her after that.

And that prospective mate may well end up being the guy's "wife for life" -- til death do they part. But before any of that, she must first pass "the vision lust test."

You think women are any different? The majority of women that I have known have been after one thing and one thing only.

[owc6]

Originally Posted by Tikiman

You think women are any different? The majority of women that I have known have been after one thing and one thing only.

Security.

[Aerovette]

Originally Posted by GTOguy

Respectfully, I disagree with the splash back. You, as an adult are not responsible for the parenting of other grown people. To think you are obligated to butt- in to avoid 'splash back' means it's a toxic relationship to begin with that has strings attached. A good relationship to clear out of, at least for me. I don't welcome more drama and stress into my life these days. Except for The Barn, of course, where the more the better.

Let's say one of my best friends knew for a year that my wife was cheating on me and didn't say anything. There damn sure will be splash back. He can kiss my ass and our friendship is over.

[Tikiman]

Originally Posted by owc6

Security.

Perhaps later in life. But when they are young, the ones that I have known were after a "good time". When I was in high school, I had college age girls chasing me. They would show up at my house looking for me. My mother was thrilled. They weren't after security.

It wasn't until I was a Junior in college that I met my wife-to-be and our first date was like a job interview. When she found out I was an Engineering major, off came the clothes and we've been together ever since. She was the worst nymphomaniac of them all, but she had the sense to want a mate with a future.

[owc6]

Originally Posted by Tikiman

Perhaps later in life. But when they are young, the ones that I have known were after a "good time". When I was in high school, I had college age girls chasing me. They would show up at my house looking for me. My mother was thrilled. They weren't after security.

It wasn't until I was a Junior in college that I met my wife-to-be and our first date was like a job interview. When she found out I was an Engineering major, off came the clothes and we've been together ever since. She was the worst nymphomaniac of them all, but she had the sense to want a mate with a future.

[Aerovette]

Originally Posted by GTOguy

Men want beauty. A man is willing to date down if she's hot. A woman won't do that generally. She will date across or up. Men want beauty. Women want security and wealth, in general. A woman might have an affair with the gardener or valet, but not a relationship. A man will marry a babe who works at Taco Bell.

I remember telling my wife that I didn't care if we lived in a cardboard box as long as we were together. I learned she did not in any way agree with that sentiment.

[LATB]

Originally Posted by OnPoint

If it's a guy who you're worried may get taken advantage of by a gal, remind him of the most powerful substance and force in the entire universe: *****. It is us fellas' kryptonite. And if he doesn't keep that in forefront of his mind he'll be toast (heck if all the ladies in the world united in a devious plot to fully leverage this ptang kryptonite, all of us fellas would be toast).

If it's a lady you're worried about, simply advise her to take it very slooooow, with enormous patience. If the guy is genuine and gentleman, that will manifest over time. If he's an asshole/scammer, he won't be able to conceal his assholeness/scamminess forever, and/or will lose patience and move on to an easier target.

Women rule the world…

They have 1/2 of the money and all of the puzzy.

[SteveOceanside]

Originally Posted by Frankie the Fink

Well, my favorite method is to come onto a car hobby forum for relationship advice with a bunch of crusty old codgersand some fairly obnoxious younger members a winning strategy. After all, who is more qualified than those folks
.

[Bruze]

Originally Posted by owc6

Security.

Yes, agree. Tikiman missed the point -- maybe he's talking about current political/cultural trends. I'm not.

I'm talking about primal, subconscious, anthropological, survival instincts of the species -- which all species have.

Women are nesters and want security, including financial, and a stable place to raise their babies. Subconsciously they probably want a man who is a leader and will take charge, is physically strong, and somewhat fearless to protect her and their offspring from carnivores and rogue male Homo sapiens. The male/father/patriarch does not want offspring whose paternity is questionable and he will protect that right the best he can (translation: men don't want other men banging their woman).

And men, being wired completely different, have the primal instincts of choosing a woman with large breasts so their offspring will thrive, and great hips -- as those women will generally have fewer problems giving birth. We men are hard-wired to recognize these as desirable traits for a mate.

A sidebar: This is why we talk about them ^ all the time. God, or Mother Nature, whichever you prefer, has made us this way.

For both men and women our base, primal instincts are all about the survival of the species. Men have their preferences in mate selection and women have theirs.

However, "There are no absolutes except for the statement: 'There are no absolutes'."

Anecdotal examples to the contrary do not disprove the basic tenets of anthropology.

[AUTOHOLIC]

Originally Posted by Frankie the Fink

Well, my favorite method is to come onto a car hobby forum for relationship advice with a bunch of crusty old codgers and some fairly obnoxious younger members; a winning strategy. After all, who is more qualified than those folks

But maybe, just maybe, you are projecting your own concerns (and possible past experience) on to somebody that's perfectly happy and in a healthy relationship.

This falls into "none of your business" category.

I can’t believe some of the dumb ass threads on this site and some of the requests for advise from an Internet automotive forum crowd.

[Bruze]

Originally Posted by AUTOHOLIC

I can’t believe some of the dumb ass threads on this site and some of the requests for advise from an Internet automotive forum crowd.

Maybe it's like the old adage: Your bartender has the best advice. He's seen it all.